Some might consider Adam and Eve the first “arranged” marriage even though, in theory, neither had any other viable options. The point is that, historically, arranged marriages date back to our earliest civilizations. It makes you wonder when “love” entered the marriage equation so that people could choose for themselves who they would make love to and live with for the rest of their lives.
Today most of us can’t even imagine our spouse being chosen by us, yet it still happens in India, traditional African societies, Muslim countries, royal families, Amish and other groups. In many cases, the couple does not meet until the day of the wedding. It’s like a one night stand that you can never get away from. Oh! Fortunately, times are changing all over the world. Many parents allow a short period of courtship, and if one or both of the arranged couple does not want the marriage, it is called off.
We could argue for days about whether the woman or the man in an arranged marriage gets the worst deal. Both of them are essentially forced to marry and live with a virtual stranger, which can’t be easy for either of them. Of course, women in third world or developing countries are often not considered equal to men, so they will be affected by culture and customs regardless. But let’s not get into human rights issues. We’re here to talk about fixing your own marriage.
In order to do that, we need to see the beauty of arranged marriages and take some tips to find a suitable spouse. This is where part of the marriage arrangement process comes into its own and really makes a lot of sense.
In Western society, men and women usually need a spark, some kind of emotional connection between the two of them before a non-platonic relationship is explored. In an arranged marriage, neither physical/sexual attraction nor personality are important factors for parents. Again, ouch!
So now we’re going to assume that you’ve met a potential spouse, dated someone for a few months, and think this might be THE ONE. Now let’s put the criteria of arranged marriage into play. Think of it like mom and dad’s “e-harmony” app. They are simply things that help ensure happiness, productivity, and a healthy family life. Now is the time to leave the sexy body and good sex behind. At least look for:
– Coincidence of education levels.
– Coincidence of cultures
– Coincidence of religions (or similar codes of ethics and values)
– Parenthood potential (will he be a good father? Will she be a good mother?)
– Does he come from a good family with a good reputation? (They can be millionaires, with dad in prison for some big white collar crime)
– How do you treat your parents?
– Do you have good manners? (This sounds minor, but you’d be surprised at its importance.)