There’s an old saying that goes, “If you keep doing what you’ve done, you’re going to keep getting what you got…” If what you’ve been doing hasn’t worked in the past, chances are, do it more, more. hard or longer won’t work either.
For many women who have difficulty reaching orgasm, their first success comes with a vibrator. And, once they get the hang of it, they eventually learn to orgasm without mechanical assistance and, if all goes well, eventually with their lover. There are women who never go from needing a vibrator, and some women who were once able to come without them, may even become dependent on them…
I would like to address the issue of women who are completely anorgasmic, that is, even with the help of a vibrator, they have not yet experienced their first orgasm… and I am going to tell you how you can give them their first orgasm.
Now, the simple fact is that there are a million reasons why a woman can’t orgasm, and I can’t know for sure what happens to any particular woman… But basically it’s a good bet that if she can’t cumming using a vibrator, then the problem is NOT physical. In other words, if a vibrator can’t do it, then there is no position, no device, no amount of resistance, and no special G-spot technique that is going to work to bring her to orgasm.
So if it’s not a physical problem, what does that leave?
Hmm…
If you said “emotional,” then you can go to the head of the class (and soon you’ll be able to give your woman an orgasm if you’re willing to learn a few things and be patient). And YES these emotional Female orgasm techniques work like crazy.
The first thing you have to do (and her friends too, women talk about this kind of thing all the time) is stop pushing the poor girl. Feeling pressure to have an orgasm is, for women, pretty much the same as putting pressure on a man when he’s having trouble getting it. Imagine you’ve been stressed at work and it takes a while to get your nerves up, and your wife or girlfriend pulls out a timer and says, “Come on! I don’t have all night! Get ready now!” That’s pretty much what’s happening to your wife right now if her inability to orgasm is a problem in her relationship.
So the first thing you’ll need to do is tell him that, at least for a while, both of you will stop trying to make him come and focus on enjoying the pleasure he already has from sex. . (After all, sex feels great even when you don’t orgasm.) This will be the first step towards building the “Sexual Confidence” that will be necessary for her to be emotionally capable of coming.
Next, you’ll need to start making him feel good about his sexuality. (Like, the opposite of inappropriate, which is what the “pressure” is making her feel right now.)
Eventually, she will give herself to you sexually, and that will allow you to “give her permission” to experience an orgasm…something that, for one reason or another, some women just can’t do on their own.
Ok, let’s get into the serious stuff…
Orgasms don’t come from stimulating the vagina the right way, they come from the brain (and when it’s really good, you could say they come from the heart). Building a connection with her, making her feel safe to experience these feelings, and turning her on more by creating masculine energy is what will ultimately give her orgasms from sex.
Teasing is a great way to build sexual tension that I think you should experiment with. It’s a powerful female orgasm technique that is too often neglected just out of impatience.
For example… if you touch her slowly and move in circles around her nipples or clit, but don’t really touch those super sensitive areas… until she literally begs you to go further… while driving her crazy. joking this way, 2 things are happening:
THE OBVIOUS: She gets horny and aroused by the rising sexual tension
THE Elusive One: Because you are taking control of how and when she gets sexual pleasure, you are assuming the masculine role of DIRECTING the interaction and controlling her body.
As you try less and become more in control of sexual interaction, and more in control of HER sexual feelings and responses, she will become much more deeply sexually aroused than she may have been in the past.
And most importantly, she will feel more Sexual Confidence towards you, which will cause her to finally SURRENDER to you… this will ultimately make it possible for you to orgasm at will.
This does not happen quickly. it is a process
The first step is to do the things that make her feel your masculine power.
As I mentioned earlier, TEASING is a great way to start this process.
Biting her on the back of the neck (you don’t have to do it hard enough to leave a mark!) is another powerful turn-on for women because it’s a primal, instinctive sign of your dominance.
Even before you get into bed, just picking her up and throwing her over your shoulder and spinning her around until she’s cracking up is the kind of display of masculinity that will make her that much more receptive to you in the bedroom.
And when you’re in bed, the sure, strong yet gentle way you place your hands on his body can communicate a whole world of male sexual confidence to him. And that’s better than all the sex advice I can give you.
Earn your sexual confidence
So is it about eye contact and creating intimacy… or is it about being masculine and dominant?
In reality, they are two sides of the same coin.
For many pre-orgasmic women, the problem is simply that they can’t let it go…they can’t give themselves permission to come. They are often unaware of this fact, but to other women…she knows she is about to cum…and she can tell there is a great deal of pleasure just on the other side of where she is… IT MAKES YOU SCARED.
It’s like that feeling you get when you reach the top of the roller coaster and are about to fall down that first steep drop…
It’s scary, but you have no choice by then, you go overboard…
And when you do, you SCREAM… and you have a
GOOD TIME.
AIM…
Imagine if there was a button on roller coasters that people could press, just as they crest the first hill, allowing them to stop the ride so they could get off.
Now everyone who got on that roller coaster got on it because they expected to have a lot of fun… But I’m willing to bet that if there was a button like that… A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD PRESS IT AND GET OUT OF THE RIDE.
That is EXACTLY what happens with many women who haven’t had their first orgasm. So what can you do about it? You need to gain her SEXUAL CONFIDENCE so that she can SURRENDER completely to you. Once you do that, instead of giving yourself permission to come, you’re giving that permission to YOU…allowing YOU to make the decision to let go.
Sexual trust, as I define it, is not the same as trust in a relationship or the kind of trust issues you talk about when it comes to marital problems. It’s not about honesty or knowing that you won’t cheat on her or hurt her. It’s about her trusting your ability to safely take her to a place where she will lose control and bring her back safely without her experiencing any kind of weirdness or embarrassment.
I sometimes use the analogy of an airline pilot.
Would you rather have a pilot who is honest and of the highest integrity… who you could leave alone in a room with a bag full of money and know he would never be tempted?
Or would you rather get on a plane with a guy who can be a bit of a jerk, but has flown thousands of hours in the worst weather conditions and landed planes at the most technically challenging airports during hurricanes without ever having a security incident?
Who would you trust to drive you home on your next vacation?
Sexual confidence works the same way.
And winning requires competence, trust and determination… as well as tenderness, intimacy and communication.