Transforming Emotional Wounds
When was the last time you experienced a negative emotion and how did you feel? Was it fear, anxiety, guilt, anger, or something else? Having identified the emotion, how did you manage it? Did you fully experience it? Or did you antagonize the emotion? It is fair to say that many people are not used to dealing with negative emotions because we are not taught how to process them. To complicate matters, we receive instructions from parents or guardians that it is not safe to express our negative emotions, so we hide them, hoping they will go away. But we both know that negative emotions rarely go away, but they come back stronger if left unexamined.
So how can we best deal with these emotions? Why do we experience them in the first place and what are they for? It is important to realize that negative emotions can offer information about us. I must be clear: I use the term ‘negative’ emotion to distinguish it from a ‘positive’ emotion. The term ‘negative’ does not imply that the emotion is bad or should not be experienced. Negative emotions are helpful emotions and should not be labeled as bad, otherwise we will miss the messages they convey. Saving stowaway emotions is like turning up the heat on boiling water and hoping it doesn’t overflow and cause fire and damage. This happens when we reject negative emotions, instead of processing them.
I have spent the better part of a decade processing my emotions on a deeper level. I wrote a book about transforming our emotional wounds called Awaken Your Authentic Self. Therefore, to heal our emotions, we must feel them, not ignore them or push them away. When I talk about feeling our emotions, I mean being with ourselves and processing them through somatic awareness. Therefore, if you are triggered by a negative emotion such as anger, create time to recall the emotion by paying attention to the physical sensations created in your body.
Processing of stored emotional pain
There are many teachers working in this area, who approach emotional healing from different perspectives, including a psychotherapy-based approach, CBT, a mindfulness-based approach, or a combination of Eastern and Western approaches. One of my favorite teachers is Tara Brach, who created the RAIN method, which stands for Acknowledge, Allow, Investigate, Nurture. Tara’s method is one of many that you can find in well-researched books, so I encourage you to do some research if you’re interested. Likewise, if you’re working with trauma-based emotions, you’d be better off doing so under the guidance of a trained mental health therapist.
So how do we experience negative emotions in a healthy way? What follows is a general guide to safely processing emotions. This is important because it decouples the emotions in our physical body, allowing the nervous system (mind-body) to process them.
- First, create a safe sanctuary to process negative emotions. Don’t try this exercise with loud music or knowing that text messages or phone calls will distract you.
- Change to a relaxed and comfortable sitting position and take a few deep breaths. This can be done in a chair or on the floor. Make sure you are well hydrated and avoid consuming caffeine before exercise as it will intensify your emotional reaction.
- Focus on a negative emotion that you want to process. It can be anger, fear, anxiety, shame or guilt or whatever is important to you.
- Allow the emotion to arise and shift your attention to the area of your body where the emotion lives. It could be your chest, abdomen, throat, or some other part of your body.
- Observe the emotion and notice any thoughts or images that arise. Do not follow them, but go back to the site of the negative emotion in your body.
- Continue to take deep breaths if the emotion feels overwhelming. This allows it to move through you, rather than remain trapped in your body.
- Remember: It takes 2 1/2 minutes for an emotion to move through your nervous system, according to neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor.
- Identify the negative emotion by giving it a shape, color, or intensity. For example, is it blazing hot or is it freezing? Recently, while doing this practice, I identified despair as a negative emotion and remember that it was cold and hollow.
- Once you have identified the negative emotion, sit with it until you feel the emotional intensity decrease. This may take a few minutes or more, but don’t rush the process. It’s like sitting with another person, listening to them speak. You would not leave them or interrupt them and the same goes for the processing of negative emotions.
Finally, I encourage you to do this practice daily, if you are truly seeking inner peace and freedom. It can become one of the most liberating practices because it allows us to experience ourselves intimately. People have reported curing long-standing physical illnesses, aches and pains in the body. However, it is not a guarantee that you will heal the physical symptoms, but by processing the stored emotional pain, it is possible that your physical symptoms will settle. Again, I encourage you to work with a trained mental health therapist and trusted health care provider if you are experiencing physical symptoms or illnesses that require medical attention. This practice is a wonderful way to get intimate with ourselves and process the pain and hurts of the past, so that we can free ourselves once again.