We all face disappointment, failure, or setbacks at some point in our lives. Ernest Hemingway said: “The world breaks everyone, and then some are strong in the broken places.” Why only some people get stronger? How do these people who rise above the traumas of life succeed? How can you best deal with life’s inevitable adversity?
Steven Wolin, a professor of psychiatry at Georgetown University, says our culture tends to perpetuate all of us as victims. He says it fosters fragility by allowing people to dwell too long on their problems. He suggests that people can survive almost anything if they are resilient. This is the ability to overcome a life crisis or difficulty and bounce back positively.
Here are four people who got caught up in life’s challenges and persevered. Each demonstrates important resilience traits.
change your perception
Cliff Miedl was a plumber’s apprentice. While he was drilling a hole to get to a water pipe, he accidentally touched a power line and received 30,000 volts of electricity. He was terribly burned and suffered three cardiac arrests. He had a long and arduous recovery that included fifteen surgeries over fifteen months. He defied the doctors by learning to walk again. He started kayaking to get stronger. He eventually entered and won races, and was part of the US Olympic team. At the 2000 Sydney Olympics, 603 of his team members voted for Cliff as their flag bearer as they marched to the stadium on opening night.
Cliff’s indomitable human spirit helped him transform his perception of a tragedy into a life-changing success story. He earned an MBA in Asset Management from USC. Today, he is a successful speaker and author. He has also won numerous awards for his courage and his contributions to others. Dr. Martin Luther King said: “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he is in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he is in moments of challenge and change.”
challenge yourself
Kyle Maynard was born with a condition known as congenital amputation of both arms and legs. His parents made a key decision early on to teach him to be as independent as possible in a quest for normality. Kyle’s parents pushed him to learn and do everything every other child had to learn. They constantly challenged him, and he usually started doing the same to himself.
Kyle grew up knowing that he could achieve anything he set his mind to. He learned to type fifty words per minute with two elbows. He wrestled in high school. For the first year in a medium he lost all the games. By his senior year, he had won 36 games, beating several state champions along the way. He has written a book, No Excuses. He was the first amputee to crawl to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro, the highest mountain in Africa. On a show on ESPN, he fought mixed martial arts, bench-pressed 240 pounds, trained others to get in shape and talked about climbing Everest. Whether or not he makes that climb, his words are important to all of us. When asked about his disabilities, he says, “What disabilities? Life is full of possibilities.”
commit to act
Diane Van Deren was pregnant with her third child when she was diagnosed with epilepsy. She had numerous grand mal seizures, but she found that when she committed to action and ran, she did not have seizures. Running brought her relief, so she kept running. It was a metaphor for her to live fully. Ultimately, she underwent radical surgery that removed the right temporal lobe of her brain. The seizures stopped but the surgery made him lose the ability to process the passage of time. Later, she learned that she could run for days without sleeping or understanding the distance she had run. Her weakness had become a running strength.
Diane has literally taken the field of distance running by storm. She set a world record on North Carolina’s 1,000-mile Mountain-to-Sea Trail and won the Yukon Arctic Ultra 300. She has completed many events with incredible results. While daily life is a struggle, Diane has a passion for running that is exemplified by this quote from the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche: “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.”
Cultivate persistent optimism
Max Cleland went to Stetson University and received a bachelor’s degree. After a year of studying for his master’s degree in history at Emory University, he entered the army and served in Vietnam as a captain. One day, while he was returning to his headquarters, he set off a grenade. Max fell on him saving others, but lost both legs and his right arm in the explosion. It took 41 pints of blood to save his life. The nurse told him, “You can thank God, it’s a miracle you’re alive.” He thought: “Thanks for nothing!”
Over time and through the confusion, frustration, and pain, Max’s attitude changed. He told others, “God didn’t make me to be 4 feet tall!” He eventually discovered that he could walk, swim, drive and dance. He persisted and did more than others expected. He began to think big and greeted life with others in his situation with optimism. He later served as administrator of President Carter’s Veterans Administration. He championed the rights of all people with disabilities, served two terms in the Georgia State Senate, and was elected to the United States Senate. His book, called Stronger at the Broken Places, tells the story of him.
Research shows that all people have the capacity for resilience and that necessary behaviors are learned. These include expressing positive and negative emotions, sharing constructive emotions, and building strong relationships with others for support.
Resilient people face all the challenges that life throws at them and can turn failures into successes. They become even more determined and persist in building their broken places in order to become stronger. Although it is not easy, you can too. Regardless of what you’re facing, learn from these examples and use the difficulties in your life to expand your ability to live fully anyway.